Sunday, December 23, 2012

Crying, its good right?

So, I did something really stupid tonight.  I watched the video that my cousin put together for Brittons funeral.  She did an amazing job.  I haven't watched this video in 9 months.  Mostly because I cant make it through without crying like a baby.  Second, because I cant tell if they are sad tears or realizing that I am going to be okay tears.  I miss Britton so much.  I know that I say that a lot on here but I feel like this is the only way that I can say it.  Britton meant so much to me.  He was a huge part of my life and it is so hard for me to think that I am going to be okay without him.  I don't want to be okay without him.  I almost don't want to move on without him but I know that is what I need to do. Britton is looking down on me and I know that he doesn't want me to be sad.  He wants to look down and see that I am doing okay.  I will never forget my little man.  I will never forget his smile and his laugh.  I will never forget him.  I am so grateful that I get to see this video and remember all of the fun times that Britton had in his life.  I know that I will cry, but that is okay because I know that I am getting through this. 

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Fall Semester!!

Tonight I turned in my last and final paper for the semester.  I took on a full load this semester and I am so grateful for the break!! This semester kicked my butt!!! I am just grateful that I made it through.  Thanks to all of those that heard me complain and had faith in me and made me keep going!! It is because of you that I survived!! Yay, I did it!!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

A YEAR....

Britton and I in 2009

2nd grade picture
 Monday marked a year since Britton passed away.   Although I tried to keep myself busy at work and school it still  didn't change that fact that I had a few break downs and tears.  Man, I miss that boy, more than anyone knows.  I miss him so much sometimes I can't breathe.  I remember when I got the call that Britton had been rushed to the emergency room, I thought maybe he needed an IV or something, then they told me that he had stopped breathing and they were doing CPR, I remember everything going foggy.  I just kept thinking please, please don't let this happen but it did. I remember a lot about that night.   I still remember the smell of the room they sat us in when we got to the hospital.   I remember an old man helping me calm down and focus when we heard the news that Britton had passed away.  I will never forget the love that this stranger showed me that night. He was amazing.  I remember walking into the room and seeing Keli and Buddy.  I remember a lot of things. Little details. Some I might share another day.  But the one thing that stands out the most to me was my family.  I remember sitting there holding Brittons little hand and realizing that my whole family was in that room.  They were all there.   I am so grateful that I have a family that sticks together.  My brothers and sisters and I have been through a lot in this life.  We have lost our father and that night a son/nephew.  I think that these trials have made us stronger and closer.  I realized that night that I am a lucky girl.  I am lucky because my family is so close.  Britton has set the bar high for all of us but I know that we will all be together someday.  I will see Britton again, just like I will see my dad.  I am so grateful for the gospel and for the knowledge that I have of eternal families!! I cannot wait for the day when I get to see my Britton.  I know I will cry, but it will be tears of joy and happiness. 
Britton LOVED Harry Potter!! He was so excited when I got a wand!! This is my FAVORITE pic!!